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Law school and relationships
Dating and relationships in law school are a little bit more complicated than in undergrad for several reasons. One of the reasons is that the first year of law school is quite crazy and people compete for grades with all unimaginable ways.
I do know a couple of cases where after a night spent together one law student accused another law student of improprieties. And while this situation was eventually resolved, the administration had to be involved, suspension issues arose, one person was not allowed to talk to another person, etc. The situation involved wasted nerves, emotions, energy, and, most importantly time.
Relationship with other law students – dating in law school
On the other hand, some of the law school newcomers formed stable couples that survived law school and ended up in marriage. Yes, it is not unheard of for law students to form a couple, then marry and maybe even practice law together after they become attorneys.
Dating in law school is possible. But the relationship is time-consuming and requires work. The key is to avoid making it a source of stress. If something does not work out – both must talk and move on with their studies.
Well, both parties (let’s use legal jargon) will be colleagues after graduation and quite possibly will meet each other many times in the very small legal world. So, let’s not create bad blood even before graduation.
On the other hand, who else can understand another law student if not law student? Studying together for law school is a very moving, touching and intimate moment. What can be better and more romantic than discussing intentional tort, or model criminal code and culpability, in the dim light of candles?
Seriously, there is some invisible connection that unites law student couple as one. So, the most important thing to look out for is to make sure that the relationship does not interfere with studies.
Relationship with non-law student
If the relationship is with a non-law student then rules are pretty much the same – make sure the relationship does not distract from law studies. Here is a deal, if it does – then this may not be a good life partner anyway. If a non-law person in a relationship supports and helps law students go through law school, then this may indicate a potential partner for life.
Having said that, I do know law students who were kind of duped by their non-law student party (both males or females) into believing they were in love, while non-law student party viewed the relationship with a future lawyer more of a strategic point of view – future perks, benefits, and financial stability.
So, the point is to avoid telling you that you are a law student on the first date for the sake of not being disappointed later. Surprise her or him later. Well, if there is a true connection between the two – this is ok.
See, thinking like a lawyer, as taught in law school, makes one more cynical and negative in a way. And less nice of a person – seriously. So, if you are entering law school with the already established relationship you must be aware of that and must tell your sweetheart that law school is a stressful process that changes how people think – I am not kidding you – and let him or her be ready to that.
But you still need that relationship because it will be your back up when you come back from school. Spouses usually make good cheerleaders. And spouses can support other spouses who go through law school. But remember, under the law, a spouse who supported another spouse through law school may demand compensation in a distribution upon divorce. Oops.
Law school debt and relationship
This is huge. If you have a spouse or significant other who can financially support you through law school – consider yourself very lucky or very smart, or both. Because that alone will reduce your future student debt much. Just make sure your spouse or sweetheart understands that you are getting into debt. There are laws related to debt incurred by one spouse in marriage. Look them up – must plan these things, especially, if you have any joint assets.
On the other hand, if both full-time law students are a couple and love continue after graduation, then combined student debt will be…well…a lot. Like buying a house but never being able to live in that house and only owing money.
Here comes another revelation – it may be better to find significant other either before going to law school or while in law school. Because it is hard to find significant other while having to pay a huge student loan.
Also, if you are an attorney, you will meet some male or female gold-diggers along the way, and some of them excelled in the art of deceiving you into thinking they love you so much, boo…Even smart lawyers fall for this trap. Well, I digress. You may meet someone great in your career.
I suggest not to marry and not to divorce in law school. Law school is an unusual time and law students do not think straight while having to prepare for law exams. Put off marriage until after graduation or bar exam, this way you both will be sure that you really want and can be together. At the same time, divorce during law school may kill GPA and any motivation, so set it aside and try to work aside differences at least temporarily.
Law school and depression
Lawyers are among the top professions prone to depression, anxiety, and stress. Well, the work is quite stressful, and this is one of the reasons. Law is not easy. The law study in law school itself is quite stressful, especially in the first year, and that may take a toll on an unprepared law student with the weak nervous system.
In my other articles I mentioned that when A students form undergrad get C grades in the first year of law scjool due to C curve grading, that alone may cause stress and depression that may last throughout the law school and future career. Law studying is hard for law school newbie.
I also tend to think that much higher than average anxiety and depression numbers are also because people who enroll in law school are quite ambitions, often with personal issues and emotional baggage, and sometimes even not emotionally or mentally stable in the first place. Sorry, brothers and sisters. I already mentioned that revenge or other emotional staff is not the best reason for becoming a lawyer.
Some studies suggest that anxiety and depression are expected in law school. Let me tell you again and again – law is a stressful profession for many reasons which I will not cover here. Law work is like constant war, especially in litigation and criminal law specifically. If you are not stress-resistant whatsoever than law is not for you.
Unfortunately, due to these emotional unpreparedness, alcohol and substance abuse among lawyers is one of the highest in comparison to many other professions. Well, also such people sometimes go to law school and then become lawyers.
Now, in law school, and the legal profession in general, embarrassment, humiliation, frustration are very commonplace and are part of legal education. Absorb this thought and make a note of this fact.
Now, I was lucky to be involved in pretty heavy sport – kickboxing – in my undergrad. Full-contact. I was beaten badly so many times, that I stopped feeling pain for a few years. And I would beat someone pretty good. And then we would go and sit in a coffee shop after training and laugh about it.
That training saved me from any stupid ideas in law school because I am used to be beaten down and know how to get up. I almost do not drink and do not smoke and do not sniff anything. I am boring.
I do have slight life-long depression, but because I see that people are making life more complicated for each other than it should be, and this makes me upset. Over the years I simply learned that people are monkeys or other animals with somewhat better developed cognitive functions, and let’s accept that as fact. That is the root of all problems in society. Let this evolution process progress naturally.
Law school diet and sports
Make sure you eat well and healthy – a good diet is very important. Make sure to go to the gym regularly, most law school students can use college gyms. One of our top students was former highway patrol cop – bodybuilder and another was fitness junky pulling 420 pounds on his chest.
Physical strength gives mental strength. I suggest easier but endurance exercises – swimming, bike, treadmill. I was lucky to have a Chinese classmate and martial arts partner, so we sparred many times together. Beating up that punching bag is also a good stress release. Make sure you get enough sleep. Sleep is more important than grades.
I do know some top law students who were on antidepressants. I avoid pills as much as I can, I suggest use supplements instead. Drink tea, for example, green tea. And use some herbal supplements – whatever works for you. Good sex is also helpful.
Law is about not giving an f**k
The best advice is to try not to give a f**k. I know, it is hard, but other law students are in the same position. Your nerves will be more important in your career and you will need to be mentally stable for your family and children, or other dependents, like parents. You owe your mental health to them.
In my observation, successful lawyers are usually those who do not give a damn or do not have many self-doubts, or self-terrorizing thoughts. Successful lawyers are usually good at shifting the blame and responsibility to someone else and not them even if they made a mistake. They keep themselves mentally healthy this way. This gives them rap for being assholes because they often act like that.
Here is my take on this all: Law is full of surprises because it is a direct child of human subconscious psycho. Plans are meant to be broken. If you plan on something in law school or law, then get ready that your plans will be broken.
Successful lawyers do not have a plan – but they rather have a strategy and tactics. And at any time they are ready to tweak and adapt those to circumstances.
Here are more studies about law professional, law school, suicide rates: https://www.lawcrossing.com/article/900049733/Law-Students-and-Suicide-An-Ongoing-Battle-that-Begins-Long-Before-We-Know-It/
I am sure there law school youtube videos on the topics I talked about in this article. Check them out.
Max Feo JD, MBA, Tax LLM.
